I went to fetch the newspapers one day and found two small, brown packages propped against the door.
They came from a single mom friend who had recently visited. Each opened to a shirt, no note. I knew right away that she was jumping into our informal barter network from long distance.
The practice of sharing, trading, and “paying it forward” is essential to single moms, and it includes goods, services and looking out for wandering children: “My son’s coming home late (or I am); can you look in and make sure he’s actually there?“
Co-columnist and neighbor Katie Scrivner reminded me that when I first moved into the neighborhood, I leapt into the "moms-sharing spirit" by offering her a box of random supplies, which included a lice removal kit. She had fallen victim to one of SPUSD’s many lice epidemics and had been spending way too much on such products, so she was happy to have it.
When it comes to accepting help, there can be an absence of pride among us moms. We co-op everything from toiletries to toys, from lunch leftovers and open bottles of wine to first aid, jewelry and clothes. Not only is it "green," but it also builds camaraderie.
We sometimes see our clothes two trades away: pants that no longer fit go to Katie. Katie, in turn, gives me blouses she received from our other neighbor but that would benefit from more cleavage (mine). I bring her leftover pasta that’s vegetarian, like her. Her kids get our leftover BBQ.
She passes along some split pea soup with bacon that came from our friend. My upstairs neighbor brings me coffee one day; another day she brings out a little espresso cup and asks me to fill it with canola oil. Sometimes we send out a platter of food and get something else back. Maybe gardenias.
After I received a bikini wax butcher job, a girlfriend begged for exclusive rights to handling my “grooming needs.” She even trimmed my son’s nails when he wouldn’t let me near them. When she was no longer in my life, and my life had moved to South Pas, I lamented to a neighbor (another single mom), about the lack of such services available on my limited budget.
“Oh, my boyfriend does that for me,” she said.
Perhaps he could be convinced to handle the hair removal needs of all of us. Unfortunately, he left to care for an ailing parent. Then another mom needed to empty her liquor cabinet while her teenager went through a rehab program requiring family abstinence. The liquor was brought to the neighbor whose boyfriend had left. Pay it forward.
Some single moms even pass along potential "booty call" material.
"It's a little weird, but not as weird as you might think," said one South Pasadena mom. "The great thing is that they come 'pre-screened,' so it feels safer than, say, Craigslist."
I discovered that this banking of time, resources, and good deeds exists in the Arroyo Time Bank—an Internet-based listing of services that members exchange that also provides a forum for community-building and volunteer opportunities. Another option is the web-based trading site BarterQuest.
I know of one woman from the organization Single Mothers By Choice who was the recipient of leftover frozen eggs, and I have heard about vials of frozen sperm being donated. That’s great news for the want-to-be mom who felt compelled to stand by the freeway with the sign: “Will Work for Sperm.”
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