The Most Important Thing to Take on Your Family Vacation

Jun 24, 2013 by Nicole

It’s that time of year when families across the country are preparing for their annual vacations.  Trips to Europe, to Hawaii, to the Grand Canyon and even a camping trip to the nearest National Park.  You name it.  Parents are packing, making reservations, organizing the kids stuff, loading movies on iPads.  The goal?  To keep the k

ids entertained, dressed, stocked and most of all, HAPPY.  But regardless of all of those efforts, the kids will invariably be bored, hot, tired, hungry and utterly miserable.

Today I’m flying home from our summer family vacation to New York City and Washington, D.C.  We did it early this year, right after school ended.  And as I reflect on our trip,  it occurs to me that despite all of my packing and organizing, despite all the gadgets, movies, gift shop visits, and expensive dinners, the thing that was the most effective in maintaining family sanity wasn’t the electronics, the food or even the size of our rooms. It was my ability to ignore.  And I think on this trip more than any other, I mustered up an increased ability to shut out the whines, the complaints, the dissatisfaction, the declarations of boredom.  Instead, I remained the eye in the hurricane.   I mean, at a certain point,  if no one is responding to the complaints, why keep complaining, right?And this magical “cure all” worked wonders.  When the kids were hungry but dinner wasn’t for another hour, “Mom!  We’re starved!”  I ignored.  When the kids were tired of walking around the Metropolitan Museum of Art, “Mom!  My feet are killing me!”  I ignored.  When we were walking around the Mall in DC and all they wanted to do was go back to the hotel, “Mom!  We’re all hot and bored!  When can we go back and watch a movie?”  I ignored.And the strangest thing would happen each and every time. The complaints would last a few minutes, and then the kids would eventually start laughing, joking, and having fun.  Go figure!  The whole family would return to a joyful rhythm.  Now I know there are some of you out there that are saying, “Duh!”  But this is not my only point.We all try to plan for ways to keep our kids happy. It now occurs to me that maybe the real solution isn’t that we should be trying to keep our kids happy.  Maybe we should be letting our kids find pleasure despite their occasional misery. They will ultimately discover their own method along the way to entertain themselves, and to that end haven’t we then helped them develop a skill?  Isn’t it a good thing for kids to learn to entertain themselves without the aid of material things?When we were kids we all sat in the back of the car for long road trips, but we figured out games to play.  We didn’t ‘t die of boredom.  When we were hungry, we’d have to wait until the family sat for dinner.   We didn’t die of hunger.  And who didn’t ‘t get dragged to something cultural kicking and screaming?  But didn’t we actually learn something?  Well, so will our kids, if we let them.The biggest change in parenting since we were kids is that as we developed so many tools to make parenting more convenient, the need for parents to ignore has been diminished. Now we can just hand them an iPhone, give them a conveniently prepackaged snack or turn on Netflix.  But by doing so, our kids have missed out on one of the most important skills in leading a happy life.  The ability to find pleasure in things.So as you pack for your summer trips, remember… the kids won’t die of boredom or starve to death.   If you remember to pack your patience and your ability to ignore, your kids will be end up having a great time. They’ll learn to cope.  And the family vacation will be one everyone will enjoy.

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No Battle For Mom On This One!

May 28, 2013 by Alyssa

With my husband out of town, I had a long Memorial Day weekend of running my kids from tournament to tournament.  I think I probably put over 700 miles on the car.  So on Memorial Day itself, there was just one baseball tournament left to be played.  I woke up at 6 am and took a shower.  When I got out of the shower, I heard the water running in my daughter’s bathroom.  Hmm, I thought to myself, is she getting up to go watch her brother’s game?  That would be really cool of her if she did.

I went into her room and knocked on her bathroom door.  When I asked if she was going to the game, she yelled, “what are you talking about, why would he be playing on Monday when we have to go to school?”  I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was tired and cranky and this was not going to end well.  I proceeded to tell her that there was no school on Memorial Day and she should have slept in.  In an instant, the water went off and I could hear the shower curtain getting slammed to one side.

“Why didn’t you tell me that I didn’t have to get up?”  Here we go, it’s all mom’s fault that SHE made a mistake.

I replied, ” just go back to bed and I’ll see you when I get back!”  As I walked out the door, I could hear her rambling on in the bathroom but I continued to walk, I shut her door, went downstairs and out the door.  Mom was in no mood to deal with this so I just sat in the car and waited for my son to come out.  I know sure know how to pick my battles and this one would have been ugly!

By the time we got home, all was good.

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Hey Mom, Painting Is A Piece of Cake

Jun 12, 2013 by Alyssa

My apologies for being offline for a few days, no, it’s not due to writer’s block, I was teaching my kids some handy skills and was it a heck of a good time!

My husband and I decided that it was time to start repainting the interior of the house and what better time than when the kids are off for summer!  Heck yeah they’re old enough to learn to paint and the last thing I want them doing is spending their days in front of a screen playing Call of Duty or Minecraft.

On the first day, it was all about picking out paint colors.  Let me tell you, if my family were in a life or death situation and we all had to agree on something, we’d be in deep do do!   One kid can’t agree with another, my husband seems to have no opinion until I actually pick something I like and then he nixes it.  After what seemed like hours at the paint store, mom put the hammer down and made an executive decision on the colors.  Was everyone happy with my selections?  I really don’t care.

Next step was to clear the walls, wipe down the molding and move some furniture.  After days of the kids just laying around the house being vegetables, in a flash, they were no where in sight.  After 20 minutes of trying to wrangle them up, we were finally moving forward laying down drop cloths, carrying the ladders up the stairs and applying blue tape where it was needed.  Me and my smart idea to show them the proper way to move furniture by using their legs instead of their backs, left me with a pulled muscle most likely due to the lack of stretching, how it sucks getting old.

Let the fun begin, after I slowly explained and showed them how to cut in, I realized they didn’t listen to a darn thing I said.  I had to bite my tongue as I wiped away the drips coming down from the ceiling and showed them once again how to dip the brush in the paint and remove the excess from side of the brush.  I was a difficult time for mom as I tried to keep my cool and not rip the brushes out of their hands and do it myself!  Within 15 minutes I was down to only two kids,  I decided the other two would be much better rollers and they should take a break

Finally, it was time to roll and there was a changing of the guard with my helpers.  Once again, I did my best to show them what they needed to do, lots of paint, light pressure and to roll slow.  Well, they didn’t quite grasp that concept either.  With paint splattering everywhere, my son rolled an area about 10 foot x 10 foot, and pushed about every ounce of paint out of the roller.  He looked at me and said, “is that good?”  After a few deep breaths, we went over it again and about 4 hours later, the upstairs hallway was done.

You may want to ask, how did it look?  Aside from a few minor setbacks like the one below, the kids really put a great effort in and when I told them it would need a second coat, I think I burst their bubbles.

It’s certainly been a long few days, but we have had a ton of fun!

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The Joys of Parental Jealousy

Jun 4, 2013 by Nicole

Have you ever been jealous of the job that other parents are doing with their kids?  Whenever someone else’s kid is doing spectacular in school or on a winning team, do you secretly envy them?  When you hear that another mom is raising kids who are more polite, better behaved, and higher achieving than yours do you get a sinking feeling in your belly that you must be doing a terrible job?  Didn’t think so… because I’ve NEVER had those feelings either!

But let’s just suppose (hypothetically, of course) that we did have those feelings for one minute.  Would we be normal?  Is this something that many other parents have likely gone thru or felt as well?  Probably.  And I would say that it is probably particularly true of mothers who left careers to be full time moms.  After all, if we gave up a lucrative successful career for our kids, wouldn’t we want the impact of our fulltime presence to lead our kids toward being the most amazing kids around?

I started thinking about this yesterday watching the Today Show while I was on the treadmill.  There were some “experts” on who were on talking about “friend jealousy” and they referenced when parents are jealous of their friends and their kids.

I guess kids are sort of like money.  No matter how rich you are, there will always be someone with more money.  No matter how great your kids are, there will always be someone whose kid is better at something than your kid.  We can’t get hung up on comparing our kids with others, nor should we get hung up on comparing our job as mothers with others.  We all make the best decisions we can in the moment based on many different factors.  And recognizing the success of others in no way negates the value of our own sacrifices for our kids.

Rather than feel envy when we happen across amazing parenting or kids, better that we use those moments to learn and keep our brain open to ideas.   Rather than be hard on ourselves and allow the success of other to make us feel like failures, we should embrace the opportunity to see a new path.  Don’t beat yourself up!  After all, there is likely a reason why it is physically impossible to kick ourselves in the butt.  I mean, I can’t speak for everyone, but my knees haven’t turned that way in decades.

They say raising kids is the hardest job there is, and part of the reason is that there is no right way to do it, so it is virtually impossible to know if you’re doing a good job.  People tell me all the time, “You’re such a good mom.”  But how do they know?  Is it because my kids can feed themselves and wipe their behinds?  (Sorry, didn’t mean to make two butt references in one post.)  Those are, after all, two of life’s most necessary skills.  “Good Job, Nicole!  Two skills down, nine hundred and ninety-eight left to teach!”  But the other reason is we won’t know the fruits of our labor until our kids are grown and gone, long after our work is done.  “Raising kids is like growing a garden.. blah blah blah.”   I mock, but it’s true.

They also say that the most important thing you can do as a parent is to just love your kids.  But I wonder what parent DOESN’T love their kids.  Isn’t that what we’re all doing?  (Okay, most of us?  I wasn’t really counting the Lohans.  But I’m pretty sure I’m a better parent than them!)  But seriously, do we really need someone to tell us to love our kids?

So by now you’re probably wondering what is my point.  I guess I didn’t really have one.  I just wanted to vent about parental jealousy.  Not that I have it, and not that I think you have it.  BUT WAIT, come to think of it, maybe I do have a point.  Maybe we should all just stop bragging about our kids and then no one has to suffer in secret!   That’s it!   If your daughter scored the most goals in the whole league keep it to yourself.  If your son read the whole Harry Potter series in Kindergarten, let’s see, how do I say this nicely…we don’t care!  And if your kids made you a six course meal for Mother’s Day from scratch with no help from Dad, just tell the rest of us you had a “nice day”.  We don’t need details.  Then maybe we can all coexist in harmonious mediocrity.

I don’t know about you, but I feel more capable already!

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Microsfot and Xbox One - Not a Fan

May 22, 2013 by Alyssa

Oh no, the Xbox One, the fancy new unit from Microsoft,  that has been eagerly anticipated by my boys, was unveiled this week.

Figures, it’s not available until “later this year.”  All us moms know what that means – most likely the 2013 holiday season.

Oh, and of course, the unit will not be backwards compatible with all the games my boys currently have.

Let’s see, the cost, not yet available, I’ll take a guess around $500.

And those expensive custom controllers the boys got last Xmas, nope, can’t use them.

I’m sure only a limited amount of units will be available when it’s released so, I’d better take a self defense refresher class now.  I’ll most likely need to fight to keep my spot in line in front of Game Stop at midnight on the release date.

To all my so-called friends at Microsoft, I Hate You, you put us parents through hell!

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The Classroom Heroes

Jun 24, 2013 by Alyssa

With summer in full swing and the school year already a distant memory, let’s not forget about our nation’s educators who stood up in front of our kids all year and inspired them  to be the best they can be.  The wonderful teachers that are in class everyday doing what they do best and have that strong desire and love for the art of teaching.  Sure they deal with moods, attitudes and and unturned in homework but, they still care about each and every student and their success.  A teacher’s job is not just about teaching from the book, a teacher is someone who enables their students to learn, gives them them tools and explanations, and creates a positive learning environment.

It’s easy for students, as well as parents, to recognize those teachers that really have it going on but, where is their recognition?  Well, we give them holiday and end of the year gift certificates to the mall or their favorite restaurants and praise them for what a great job they’ve done.  Ok, that’s nice, but how about how they compare to others in the school, in the state, in the country?

Enter Lowell Milken and the Milken Educator Award, a program that rewards and inspires excellence in the world of education by honoring top educators around the country with $25,000 unrestricted awards.  Not an accolade for “lifetime achievement” or the proverbial gold watch at the exit door, the Milken Educator Awards targets early-to-mid career education professionals for their already impressive achievements and, more significantly, for the promise of what they will accomplish in the future.

Lowell Milken created the Milken Educator Awards in order to recognize the importance of outstanding educators and to encourage talented young people to choose teaching as a career. Coined “the Oscars of teaching” by Teacher Magazine, the Milken Educator Awards recognizes exceptional teachers in surprise ceremonies surrounded by their students and faculty, where each educator is given an unrestricted $25,000 reward.  First presented to twelve outstanding recipients in California in 1987, the Milken Educator Awards’ national network is now 2,500 strong and dedicated to strengthening the nation’s schools.

Now that’s what I call an award!  It’s the nation’s preeminent teacher recognition program and the recipients have no idea that they are getting the award.  The main element is surprise!. Each year, newly selected recipients are taken completely by surprise at schoolwide assemblies.  With an entourage of media and distinguished officials, a Foundation representative or the state chief of education typically notifies the recipient, often accompanied by the governor and other state and federal leaders.

How cool would that be to have one of your local teachers recognized in a such a way.  It would certainly be a school day like no other.

Based on guidelines established by the Foundation, participating states’ departments of education appoint blue-ribbon committees that recommend candidates for selection. Identification and selection procedures are confidential, and the program does not include a formal nomination or application procedure.

Click Here to check out the 2012-2013 Milken Educators, you may see a teacher you know!

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My Monday Morning Panic Attack

Jun 17, 2013 by Alyssa

Monday is not even over yet and I’ve  stressed more in the last 6 hours than I do in an entire month.

One of my older kids flew for the first time today, by himself, all the way across the country to my parents house in Florida via a connection in Atlanta.  After getting him up at 3:45 am to make a 6:45 flight, I could hardly wait for the his phone call that he arrived at the gate in Tampa to my parents waiting there for him.

While I tried to kill the time waiting patiently for his call, I dropped my daughter off at her friends house and then went to the gym to try and relieve some tension.  One of my other sons was home by himself.  When I left, he was still sleeping and I assumed I would  find him in the same place when I got back from the gym.

After my workout I called the house to see if he wanted me to pick him up something for breakfast but, he didn’t answer the phone.

I arrived home to an quiet, empty house, he was no where to be found.  The front door was unlocked, TV was on and the dogs were asleep on the couch.  I called his cell phone and he didn’t answer.  When that happens I usually send him a text because we all know that it’s not so cool to answer your phone when your mom calls.  Five minutes went by, then 10 minutes and no reply.  I was starting to get a little nervous.  His bike was still in the garage along with his skateboard and scooter, very odd.  After calling some friends in the neighborhood to see if he was at their house, I learned that no one had seen him.  An hour had passed since I had first called the house to talk with him, where the heck was he?

A friend of mine stopped over to drop some things off and he asked if I could track him down through his phone.  Duh, why didn’t I think of that, use the dang Family Locator they we pay Verizon for every month.  The locator gave me an address a few minutes away but it also showed that his phone was within 1.82 miles of that location.  Not a big help there.  We drove over to the address and it was not a house of one of his friends.  After a knock on the door, we learned there was no one home.

It was back to the neighborhood, he wasn’t at the community pool, not at any of his friends and the streets were vacant.  I then thought to go ask one of the girls he sometimes hangs out with to see if she would blast out a text or a tweet to see if anyone had seen him (Mom gets and A here for putting social media to a good use).  Within minutes, she had a ton of replies, but again, no one had seen him.

It had now been two hours and I’m starting to panic so, I called the Sheriff’s Department.  After I went through what was going on, they told me to relax and that they’d find him.  Yeah, ok, relax, yeah right!

Now I have tears in my eyes, this was so not like him to not answer his phone or leave a note that he was going somewhere.  Another one of my friends was out driving around, checking the bathrooms in the park and writing down license plates of “suspicious” vehicles in the neighborhood.

My two friends and I had met back in the front of my house when I finally was able to reach my husband, who was out of town.  Apparently, my son had mentioned to my husband the other day that he MAY go to the gym with one of his friends today, nice of someone to tell me.

A few minutes later, a car pulls up in front of my house and guess who gets out of the car, my son.  When I asked him where he had been, he replied, “at the gym, I told you last night that I was going.”  Well, he must have told his other mom because he never said anything to me!  And his phone, why didn’t he reply?  Well, it was at home on the couch of course, and it was turned off.  What a great use of technology.

When I stated that we need to communicate a little better, he replied, “you need to listen a little better!”   At this point, yes, I was relieved that I found him but, I wanted to launch him threw the front door.  He then makes the comment, “mom, if someone were going to kidnap me, they’d probably end up bringing me back!”  He does have a point, this kid can talk your ear off and would probably drive a kidnapper insane!

My friend offered up a suggestion that is a rule in their house.  If the kids say that they are going somewhere, they need to follow it up with a text.  She too has four kids and crazy days and it just helps keep track of where everyone is.

That rule, went into affect in our house TODAY.

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