It’s that time of year when families across the country are preparing for their annual vacations. Trips to Europe, to Hawaii, to the Grand Canyon and even a camping trip to the nearest National Park. You name it. Parents are packing, making reservations, organizing the kids stuff, loading movies on iPads. The goal? To keep the k
ids entertained, dressed, stocked and most of all, HAPPY. But regardless of all of those efforts, the kids will invariably be bored, hot, tired, hungry and utterly miserable.
Today I’m flying home from our summer family vacation to New York City and Washington, D.C. We did it early this year, right after school ended. And as I reflect on our trip, it occurs to me that despite all of my packing and organizing, despite all the gadgets, movies, gift shop visits, and expensive dinners, the thing that was the most effective in maintaining family sanity wasn’t the electronics, the food or even the size of our rooms. It was my ability to ignore. And I think on this trip more than any other, I mustered up an increased ability to shut out the whines, the complaints, the dissatisfaction, the declarations of boredom. Instead, I remained the eye in the hurricane. I mean, at a certain point, if no one is responding to the complaints, why keep complaining, right?And this magical “cure all” worked wonders. When the kids were hungry but dinner wasn’t for another hour, “Mom! We’re starved!” I ignored. When the kids were tired of walking around the Metropolitan Museum of Art, “Mom! My feet are killing me!” I ignored. When we were walking around the Mall in DC and all they wanted to do was go back to the hotel, “Mom! We’re all hot and bored! When can we go back and watch a movie?” I ignored.And the strangest thing would happen each and every time. The complaints would last a few minutes, and then the kids would eventually start laughing, joking, and having fun. Go figure! The whole family would return to a joyful rhythm. Now I know there are some of you out there that are saying, “Duh!” But this is not my only point.We all try to plan for ways to keep our kids happy. It now occurs to me that maybe the real solution isn’t that we should be trying to keep our kids happy. Maybe we should be letting our kids find pleasure despite their occasional misery. They will ultimately discover their own method along the way to entertain themselves, and to that end haven’t we then helped them develop a skill? Isn’t it a good thing for kids to learn to entertain themselves without the aid of material things?When we were kids we all sat in the back of the car for long road trips, but we figured out games to play. We didn’t ‘t die of boredom. When we were hungry, we’d have to wait until the family sat for dinner. We didn’t die of hunger. And who didn’t ‘t get dragged to something cultural kicking and screaming? But didn’t we actually learn something? Well, so will our kids, if we let them.The biggest change in parenting since we were kids is that as we developed so many tools to make parenting more convenient, the need for parents to ignore has been diminished. Now we can just hand them an iPhone, give them a conveniently prepackaged snack or turn on Netflix. But by doing so, our kids have missed out on one of the most important skills in leading a happy life. The ability to find pleasure in things.So as you pack for your summer trips, remember… the kids won’t die of boredom or starve to death. If you remember to pack your patience and your ability to ignore, your kids will be end up having a great time. They’ll learn to cope. And the family vacation will be one everyone will enjoy.