Written by Alyssa Banko
Published in SCV Health & Family Magazine July/August 2013
A publication of The Signal
I’m all for new technologies and there have been incredible advances since I was a kid but, society has become so dependent on electronic technologies for entertainment, education, relationships and communication that face-to-face conversations are becoming a thing of the past.
Whether we like it or not, cyber communication is here to stay and, for as much as we want to detox from it, embracing it is really the only choice. For the kids, it’s just a way of life, they fear nothing electronic. The parents, well, we fought it as long as we could and now we do our best to keep up with it. And those poor grandparents, their anxiety skyrockets when they get near a computer and freak out when they push the wrong button on their flip phone.
I remember an ad for the Yellow Pages years ago that said “Let your fingers do the walking.” Nowadays it’s more like let your fingers do the talking because there’s no need to speak when you can email, text, update your Facebook status or post a picture of what you’re doing on Instagram to chat, plan and coordinate just about anything.
Sure it’s great that our communications can be sent in an instant but, we still need to teach our kids that there is another way and that’s to effectively carry on a conversation. Communication is the building block of a strong family and is the basis for our kids’ future relationships. Rather than hide on the couch behind a screen with their fingers moving a mile a minute, they need to understand that words, expressions and gestures are key components in basic communication.
Knowing that all these electronic devices are not going away anytime soon, here are some tips for effective family communication.
Make the time to be together as a family to have some meaningful conversations. Take a walk, sit around a campfire or play a game and just talk to each other. Having a family talking stick is always fun (especially in the case of a large family like mine) and it allows everyone to speak without any interruption from the peanut gallery and helps cut down on going off on a tangent. Provide a safe and comfortable environment for the kids to open up. This could be as simple as a few minutes on the way to school, at dinner, or even in their bedroom. My daughter and I have had countless conversations laying on her bed in the dark and she loves every minute of it.Remove the devices that have become their new appendages. Yes, they will fight you kicking and screaming or might have a panic attack that they can’t respond immediately to a text but, a little device separation is a good thing.Talk with your kids as often as you can. It doesn’t have to be just whenever there’s an issue, but more on a regular basis on any topic to help reinforce your positive relationship with them. As hard as it may be, learn to zip it and just listen. There are times when kids (especially teenagers) just need to vent without hearing your two cents. Mind you, I have one that can talk my ear off for an entire flight from NJ to CA but, if that’s what he needs to do, I will sit there and I will do nothing but listen.Let the kids speak for themselves as soon as they possibly can. Allow them to ask their own questions and respond all by their little selves. One of my biggest pet peeves is parents that don’t allow their kids to have a voice. For goodness sake, if you are still ordering for your kid at a restaurant, it’s time to open the door and let them take a big step outside the mommy shelter.Imagine if Alexander Graham Bell had invented a texting device back in 1876 and most recently the telephone came into our lives. Those 8.6 trillion texts that are sent a year would diminish and we would be excited to pick up the telephone, move our lips and actually talk to each other.
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