With this year about to end and a new year almost here, many of us are thinking about our life goals. Did we accomplish all we set out to do this year? And what do we want for next year? As mothers we also have goals in mind for our kids. But it is really our kids’ responsibility to set their goals and to work toward them. It doesn’t come naturally to them, though. They don’t instinctively know how to go about doing this. Luckily there are many things we as parents can do to help our kids learn effective ways of setting and attaining goals. The following is our list of the most important tips in teaching your kids to be goal oriented:
1. Define Goals. The first thing is make sure your child understands what goals are and what it means to “attain” them. You can give various age relevant examples. They could be ones that take just a few minutes, such as putting away all of their toys. Or it could be a long term one, such as learning to ride a bike. Regardless, make sure as a starting point the your child understands what goals are.
2. Make a list. With your child, help them make a list of their goals. Listen to them while you do it. Let them be the guide, not you. If the list is a set of your goals for your child, he or she won’t be as committed. Remember, the goal is to teach them how to do this, so what you think of the goals is not as important as them being motivated to attain them.
3. Start off small. You want your child to learn to the process of setting, working toward, and attaining goals, so start them off small with easy victories. Get them used to the process and let them have some easy successes, working up to bigger challenges. They will be thrilled with their success and will develop optimism in their ability to achieve their goals.
4. Be specific. One of the key steps in setting goals is to make them well defined so that success is clear. If a goal is to “do better” at something or “work harder” at something, when do you know you’ve been successful? You don’t, because it hasn’t been defined. You need to explain this to your children. Often they will make a general goal, “I want to do better in school.” But once you explain that you don’t know what that means, it forces them to be specific. Ask them, “Can you define what that means? Do you want to get all As? Do you want to move to the higher math group?” If their goals are well defined, so is their path toward success.
5. Clear out those that are unrealistic. If your kid has never played baseball a day in his life, and he sets a goal to be the starting pitcher for his school’s baseball team, he may be setting a goal that is unattainable. However, you don’t want to be discouraging. So if the goal is too big, encourage him or her to scale it back, not to ditch it completely, but to set realistic baby-steps to move in the right direction. This will eliminate the likelihood of a failed goal and it will give them the opportunity to learn how to develop realistic steps toward big goals. So instead of being the starting pitcher, maybe the first goal should be to learn to throw the ball 4 out of 5 times into the strike square on a pitching net from 20 yards away.
6. Let the kids pick the reward. If your children succeed at attaining goals, a reward is definitely warranted, but what that reward is should be up to them, not you. Of course you can have some say, but when the goals are set, let them know you’d like to reward them when they attain it and ask what they think a good reward would be. This will vest them all the more in the outcome. And remember, it is not “if” they attain their goal, it is “when”.
7. Keep it visual. Kids are visual, so create something that they will see regularly as a reminder of their goals. Maybe it’s a chart where they mark off how much they’ve practiced throwing the ball or their latest grades. Whatever it is, make it visible to everyone. There is something about your progress being displayed that is also a little more motivating.
8. Keep track. Check in regularly with your child on his/her progress. Perhaps once a week during dinner ask the kids to give a status report on their current goals. It is a good way for you to stay up to speed on your kids’ progress and it will help the kids stay on track.
9. Set a schedule. Encourage your children to set a schedule on how much time every day or week is devoted to working toward their goals. It could be something as simple as 15 minutes of pitching every day. But get the kids to define it and let them low that sticking to the schedule is also a series of mini goals.
10. Be a role model. Make your kids aware of your own goal setting and progress in attaining them. Our kids learn by example, so be the kind of person you want them to be. Because if you try to fool them into doing what you say and not what you do, they will eventually see through that. Trust us. We have teenagers!
11. Think big and small. Lastly, it is good to have a variety of time frames for goals. Have some that you can accomplish by the end of the week, but some that may take until the end of the year, or within 5 years. This will encourage your children to think about their lives in both the here and now as well as the tomorrow. Children can be shortsighted and live purely in the moment, so encouraging them to think about 5 years from now helps them develop a skill for planning and thinking about the big picture.
We are all capable of amazing things, but sometimes we just need a little coaching to help us get there. With these steps you’ll be preparing your kids to be strong, focused, goal oriented people.
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